Anniversary

Happy Birthday to me…again, today I turn 17!! Ok, put your phone down, close your email window, stop baking that cake, cancel the dancing girls, you didn’t forget- it’s not exactly my birthday. Today marks the anniversary of my accident, THE accident. Coincidentally it was also a Wednesday. It’s funny how certain things can be milestones in our personal histories. Almost everyone that was close to me at the time uses that day or even that year as a time memory reference.

I’ve never really gone out of my way to neither celebrate nor mourn this particular day. At the beginning, the first 5 or 6 years, I just simply let it pass like any other day sometimes not even remembering. Then I went through a short phase, 2-3 years, where I would get a bit glum and stay home sometimes not even talking to anyone that entire day. Eventually and thankfully that passed and I went back to making it a run-of-the-mill day. This year I thought maybe I should celebrate it like a birthday or at least commemorate it somehow, why not? I’ve even been reminding everyone about it. Over the years I’ve been asked many times if I regret going to the beach that day or if I would change that instant if I could go back in time and my answer has always been the same, No! I’ve been fortunate enough to meet many people and do many things that I might not have if my life had not taken such a sharp turn. Sure, sometimes it’s a bitch… can’t deny that but overall it hasn’t been as bad as it seems or most people would imagine.

I’m reposting a couple of my writings that basically tell the story for those who missed it or might not remember.

Life change

As we pulled out of Hialeah High’s student parking lot, I thought to myself, “Awesome! My parents actually ‘let’ me skip school today!” It was National Senior Skip Day, one of the best days of our senior year.

I got to school a few minutes earlier than usual and headed to my first class. As soon as it was over I double-timed it out to the parking lot where we were to meet. After a quick bite at the Denny’s and some chit chat while we waited for the rest of the posse, we formed a small caravan and headed across the 836 to the beach.

We arrived at Penrod’s South Beach on this sunny, cloudless day and unloaded the cars. While everyone else settled down, Carlos and I raced towards the inviting water at full speed. He was just a few steps ahead of me but I was catching up. We dove across the waves as we reached the water.

Almost instantly, I heard a loud ‘Crack!’ I hit something solid with my head.

What the hell? What happened! Ok, relax, I’m still alive  I can feel the water around my face. I can her the underwater symphony of the ocean. As I opened my eyes I could see the sand being stirred gently by the motion of the waves. I just make out some shapes on the bottom, I didn’t know at the time but they were pieces of pilings from the old pier. I was still floating face down but luckily I was still holding my breath. I could feel small bubbles escaping my nose and rolling up the side of my face.

Ok, ok, now just stand up. WAIT! I can’t move. Noooo! Why can’t I even lift my head? I slowly realized what had happened; I had snapped a vertebra in my neck. Oh my God! I can’t drown, not today. My parents! My family! My friends! They’ll be so sad. You can’t do that to them! It won’t be fair! Its national skip day, we’re supposed to be having fun! No! No! No!

As I lay there praying, I inexplicably rolled over and gently started breathing again. It was to be the first day of my new life.

Still

Time was standing still as I lay there, flat on my back, unable to feel anything. All I could see was the square ceiling tiles and bright fluorescent lights. I could hear heart monitors and loud speakers and of course a stream of medical terminology, questions, statements, numbers and answers. Occasionally an intern or a nurse would lean over enough to where I could see their faces.

“Seventeen year old Hispanic male.”

“Diving accident, spinal cord lesion C5-6, laceration on chest above left pectoral.”

“Pulse weak but steady at 65, heart rate steady, BP 100 o’er 65”

“Has anyone contacted the family?”

“Let’s intubate.”  

I close my eyes. I feel the wind rushing past my face. Carlos is pushing the wheelchair as I yell, “Get out the way! Wheelchair coming through!”  We race down the school hallway when suddenly I feel a chill and jump straight up and out of the chair. Carlos runs the chair right into me and we stumble to the floor laughing. Only I’m laughing more out of nervousness than pleasure. I slowly look around and see that I’m still in the hallway at the high school. I momentarily think back to the image that flashed in my head, I saw myself sitting in a wheelchair in a hospital room, and quickly disregard it as an imagination hiccup.

I close my eyes. “Why am I remembering that now?” I hear what seems to be an army of medical staff buzzing around me. I’m just barely able to see the tops of their heads. A nurse gently leans over my face and says, “I’m going to stick you in the arm, but it won’t hurt much.” I do my best to smile and close my eyes.  Less than a minute later she leans back in and smiles, “All done! That wasn’t too bad, was it?” I only stare at her because I didn’t feel a thing. My entire life is numb right now.

I close my eyes. I’m driving down a dark highway on a stormy night. I’m feeling a bit nervous, probably due to the weather but still I speed along. Suddenly the road curves unexpectedly and I swerve to follow it. I feel the car starting to slide in an awkward direction. I turn the wheel back to correct the maladjustment and the car spins. It spins and spins, tires barely screeching on the slick pavement. As I am just about to focus on what lays ahead in the direction the car is taking me, I make out a cluster of trees at the bottom of a steep ditch and suddenly- Smaaack!  “Am I dead?” I open my eyes just in time to realize it’s merely a dream. It will soon be Christmas and I soon forget my dream.

I close my eyes. “That dream was months ago. Why do I recall it now? Was it a warning? Was it real? What’s real? What’s going on? ” A young intern leans into view now, “Do you know what happened to you? Blink once for yes and twice for no.” I blink once, longer than normal. “You’ve been paralyzed from the neck down due to a burst fracture of your 5^th and 6^th cervical vertebrae. Statistics show that there is a ten percent chance of recovery from something like this. Do you understand?” I close my eyes. “There’s no reason to be afraid, you’re young and there’s hope. You’re going to be all right.” “Now how does he know that? Is he a fucking psychic too? He just said there’s only a ten percent chance! He doesn’t know anything.”

Now, I blink and blink and blink! Waiting for the moment when I wake up and realize it’s another dream